How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

In your dating life, train yourself to seek out your date’s best qualities. Remember the dating version of the Golden Rule: do not judge others the way you would not want to be judged.

We’re prone to the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to believe someone’s actions reflect who they are rather than their circumstances. For example, if someone arrives late to a date, you may assume they’re selfish. You can override this error by coming up with a more compassionate reason for their behavior.

 Perhaps their boss dropped by their desk for a last-minute conversation when they were trying to leave work. We are worse judges of character than we think, and it often takes time for attraction to grow. Therefore, you should create a default by going on the second date. It’s better to go on a second or third date with somebody and then find out that they’re not a good fit than to rule out potential matches because of an initial impression that’s vulnerable to all types of cognitive biases. Don’t write someone off because of something silly that doesn’t matter long-term.

Taking inventory of our lives and strategizing about our next move allows us to make better and more thoughtful decisions. ~ Logan Ury

After going on the second or third date, take out time to go into relationship decision points. A decision point is a moment in which you decide whether to continue what you’re doing or choose a different path. Psychologists describe two ways couples transition into the next stage of a relationship: deciding and sliding.

Deciding means making intentional choices about relationship transitions, while sliding entails slipping into the next stage without giving it much thought. Couples who decide tend to enjoy healthier relationships. When you start seeing someone, don’t make assumptions about whether you’re in a relationship. You need to DTR (define the relationship) to ensure that you’re on the same page about where you are and where you’re headed.

Did you know? According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the 4,000-year-old Sumerian “Love Song for Shu-Sin,” is considered the world’s oldest love poem.

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