Sophia's Blog

Sophia's Blog

My BF says I’m being controlling when I view his actions as disrespectful.

My Bf and I have been dating for 4+ years. About 2 years into our relationship he introduced me to his friend Josh (we were both away at school so we never had the chance to meet before). Josh and I were on okay terms, and I did my best to make as much effort in being nice to him as I could. He had a girlfriend for about 5+ years who I got along with as well. Josh spent last year’s Christmas and New Years with my boyfriend and I at my family party because he had no where to go.

Fast forward a few months, Josh broke up with his long term girlfriend because she was “too boring.” This caused Josh to go out every weekend and inviting my boyfriend.

The problem started when I was planning on hanging out with my friends one night. Josh said he was going to hang out with his cousin Sarah (I later found out this is a lie and they are actually just close friends so he refers to her as his cousin) and my boyfriend told him that he could come and to bring her along.

When they arrived my friends were starting to leave and they told my boyfriend of a bar they were going to go to downtown and they intentionally were not inviting me to join with them. I talked to my boyfriend and he declined their offer but was mad at me “for ruining his fun.” He said word for word “you just don’t want me to go hang out with Josh and a cute girl without you.”

Of course we talked and worked it out later. But that night he ended up going home with me and pouting. Saying that I am controlling him when I honestly thought the entire situation was rude and I wanted him to be by my side.

Fast forward a couple weeks later, I go on a long weekend trip with my mom and sister. He updated me throughout the day that he was going to have a bros night with Josh. I called him at night to talk to him, he was driving with Josh in the car and I talked to both of them. (IMPORTANT NOTE)

About two Friday’s after that I went out for some drinks with my co-workers who were moving on from my company. That night it worked out perfectly because Josh was able to drive my boyfriend to pick up my car and drive me home safely.

The next day I woke up in my boyfriend’s bed and asked him “are our plans still on for tonight?” He said yes and I went on my day. I received a phone call later saying “Josh wants to go to a bar with me and after Sarah is having a get together at her apartment. Would you want to come to the get together?” I said sure even though I was kinda hurt that we had plans to hang out together that night. About 15 min later my boyfriend gave me a call and told me I was uninvited. He said:

“Josh asked Sarah and she said you’re not welcome to come because you cause too much drama”

We had a huge blow out fight with this situation. Him saying that I am being controlling and he can hang out with his friends and me saying that it’s disrespectful for him to go. He ended up going and I sat at home pissed off for the entire night. We ended up talking and working it out.

About a month later, my family and I were going to go down south for a weekend to my parents cabin. They invited me and my boyfriend. He was only able to go Friday night to Saturday morning because he had his brothers graduation. He then called me and said “I’m going to hang out with Josh and Sarah after my brothers graduation, we are going to the beach” I told him “I’m really not comfortable with that” and he proceeded to tell me:

“Please let me go. Josh told me it was either him or you and I don’t want to give him up.” I was SHOCKED. I was completely blindsided by this detail. So….I started asking questions.

He told me that when I was on the weekend trip with my mom and sister, Sarah was with him. She knows he thinks she’s cute. And that the entire night Josh was shit-talking me to my boyfriend and to Sarah. They basically were saying I’m controlling and every issue that my boyfriend and I have ever had in our relationship was spilled to them. He then drove Sarah home (with Josh in the car) and ended the night. This hurt but my boyfriend decided to cut off the relationship with Josh and Sarah completely (I NEVER TOLD HIM HE COULD NOT SEE HIS FRIENDS).

The issue that is coming across now is that my boyfriend misses Josh (they were lifelong friends so I understand that). He is blaming me for it. Saying “if I didn’t have such a controlling girlfriend maybe I could hang out with him.”

I guess I just don’t understand why I am in the wrong or coming across as controlling. I view this entire situation as a lack of respect. Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to handle this. Also, are there possibilities that Josh is trying to make my boyfriend single because he just got out of a 5 year relationship or is that just my girl brain overthinking.

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