My Boyfriend has claimed his ex was abusive, and now out of nowhere, she is claiming he was abusive to her. Both have ‘friends’ on either side who back them up. I am not sure who to believe.
I’ve known both Cher and Larry since high school, but from a distance. Cher was sort of a weird punk girl and dropped out of high school. That was all I really knew about her. Larry and her dated starting around 20 and continued dating until they were 24. I started dating Larry afterward.
He has always maintained that she had lots of problems and was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He said that near the end of the relationship she started to hate him over the smallest things and would berate him for hours on end.
She would do ‘tests’ to test whether he really loved her by basically pushing him to the limit and then seeing if he would still be loving to her even if she treated him badly, and then when he was still upset at her she would use that as ‘proof’ that he didn’t love her.
Constant mood swings up and down, periods where she was angry at everybody and everything, she would go from 0 to 100 anger-wise out of nothing. He said she would lie about things, and then make it so he would find out she was lying, and then purposefully get furious at him when he would call her out for lying, acting like she ‘had’ to lie to see if he would still accept her or not.
That was apparently a common theme in their relationship. I never got a hint that he was lying about this or anything, he has always been very honest with me and he is a pretty vulnerable guy who seemed genuinely hurt by his time with her. I didn’t know her very well in high school, but she DID somewhat give off the vibe as… well, a nasty, crude person.
Anyways, she wrote a long Facebook post about this. Saying that HE was the abusive one, and that he often yelled at her and called her names and that he was often violent and aggressive and threw bottles around the house when he got mad.
She very specifically said that he would portray her as crazy and unstable, in order to gaslight her, and that she found out he had been telling people that she was the crazy abusive one, which she said was not true. In the comments of the post, multiple people commented, shocked at the revelation.
Then, a guy with who Larry was friends commented saying it was not true, and that it was bullshit, and that he was a witness to their relationship and knew it was not true, and that Cher was the one who was cruel to Larry.
One of Cher’s friends came out and said that she was also close with the relationship and knew Cher’s post was true. They argued for a bit and eventually, a bunch of girls came out of nowhere and basically ganged up on the guy and attacked him for denying an abuse story and Cher eventually blocked him. I should mention I am not friends with Cher, all of this was screenshotted and sent to me through a friend.
I haven’t even talked to Larry about this. He’s at his parents until tomorrow night. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure who to believe. I know he was a different person back then to an extent. He drank and did drugs (not to a huge extent or anything, I just know he liked to party) and is now mostly clean and employed. But I simply cannot imagine him being abusive. He is such a sweet, nice guy. And we’ve been dating for 11 months now, it’s not like I just met him.
Still, I am not sure what to think. Should I ask around and see what others say about their relationship? I don’t want to go up to him and be like “I read this, and I believe you 100%, not her” without being sure. Because I don’t believe him 100%, I don’t know who to believe, and I don’t want to lie to him. Right now I am mostly on his side but… still.
What should I do?